How To Create More Love And Deeper Communication In Your Relationship
5 Communication Tools That Saved My Marriage
10 Oct Such communication patterns assist you to verbalize your hopes, and your expectations of one another. Also, it is through communicating that you can work through the areas of potential conflicts that you identify. If you read this article on improving communication in your marriage, you will get a better. 23 Feb Many popular magazines and websites offer various bullet-lists on how to improve your marriage through better "communication." The same venues regularly feature weight loss bullet-lists. You probably know the research findings about the latter - they range from unhelpful to damaging. Research would. 11 May Later, when the garbage remained unchanged (and still smelly), I upped my game and took the advice of Toni Coleman, LCSW, a relationship coach from McLean, Virginia, who'd told me, "Your husband will respond better if you place a persuasive hand on his arm or back. Men really respond to physical.
We were blissfully in love and thrilled to be on our honeymoon. Then came day five—we had our first argument. That put us on a slippery slope moving swiftly toward desperation. Within the first nine months of our marriage, Gina and I were both convinced that we not only married the wrong person, but also were condemned to a loveless marriage. One very tangible side effect of our difficulties was poor communication. I would ask, "What's for dinner? She would say, "What time are you coming home?
We could not express anything we wanted to. We resorted to hurting each other with our words. We did not build each other up … we tore each other down and caused deep, emotional pain.
How To Communicate Better With Your Spouse
Quite honestly, we had endured so much hurt that we could not see any hope for ever communicating well.
Our despair was overwhelming. In counseling we began learning about intentional communication. I remember thinking, "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. This stuff is so simple … I can't believe I'm paying this guy for this. But, once I got off of my high horse, I realized something very simple yet profound: If communication was really that simple, everyone would see more doing it and all of our communication would glorify God and reflect His image 1 Peter 4: Glorifying God did not describe my communication, and it may not describe yours either.
In fact, many of us struggle to communicate well even with those we love the most: The road Link took to learn about communication was a tough one. Here are some of the tools that helped transform my marriage and change my heart.
The Principle of First Response: The course of a conflict is not determined by the person who initiates, but by the person who responds. You may feel it's okay to strike at someone verbally because, "He is picking a fight with me.
That power rests with the How To Communicate Better In Your Marriage. Jesus has a well-worn track record with the Principle of First Response.
Recall the times that the Scribes and the Pharisees came to question Him. They were the initiators in nearly all of their communication. Their intention was to defraud Jesus and corner Him. In how many cases were they successful? They failed because the power to decide the direction of each conflict rested with Jesus, the click Luke The implications of following Jesus' example were huge.
My wife's sin did not give me free license to sin in return. And conversely, my sin did not give Gina free license either. By following the principle of first response, we were being called to take a poorly spoken comment and redirect it. The Principle of Physical Touch: It is difficult to sin against someone while you are tenderly touching him or her.
You know what those topics are in your marriage. Maybe it's a conversation about a specific child. Maybe it's your in-laws or your finances. For us, as you might imagine, it was when we sat down to talk about our communication.
What Is Communication?
Those were tough check this out. During these times, we would sit down and pray together … and touch.
Usually we were at opposite ends of the couch with Gina's legs stretched out across mine while I held them. You may prefer holding hands or sitting close enough that you naturally touch. As we talked, we would inevitably notice something. When our conversation began to drift toward conflict, we stopped touching. We found what I'm certain you'll find: It is very difficult to fight with someone you are tenderly touching.
So, we had a choice at that point: This type of tender touching has served us in two ways. First, it is a deterrent from arguing. Second, when we do drift into an argument, our physical separation is a visual and physical cue that our conversation is no longer glorifying God. We notice it, correct it, and get back on the right track. The Principle of Proper Timing: The success of a conversation can be maximized if the timing of the conversation is carefully chosen.
The book of Proverbs tells us, "A man finds joy in giving an apt reply—and how good is a timely word! Typically, the first opportunity Gina and I have to talk about the day is at dinner.
We often take time then to catch up.
With four young children, our dinner table is an active and busy one. Consequently, we cannot practically have an extended and meaningful conversation. So, if something has occurred that I must discuss with Gina, I will wait until the children are asleep.
To bring it up during dinner is to invite frustration and ineffectiveness.
I agree that healthy communication in a marriage is essential. We've always been great conversationalists and I mistook that for intimacy and communication to salve the undulations of unpredictability. On another level, you also need time to discuss issues or problems in the relationship. How curious are you?
Gina is a very intentional homemaker and often has wonderful ideas on how to better serve our family. Let's say she is contemplating a new approach to family dining. She's been thinking through this for weeks and she's now ready to get my input. This is a very good thing—but probably not at 1: I'm also prone to fall into the poor timing trap. For example, Gina and I could be downstairs enjoying normal conversation.
We head upstairs at As the lights go out, I ask, "What do you think God is doing with the children? There are times when a conversation is critical to have at that very moment. In those cases, of course, the football game goes off and we talk. Or, the lights go back on and we're up until 2 a. However, those should be the exceptions rather than the rule.
The majority of the time, we should be more strategic in the timing of our conversations. Are you a "share your feelings" type of communicator or "Just the facts? Find out which one you are! The Principle of Mirroring: Understanding can be enhanced if we measure it often throughout a conversation.
The Scriptures inform us that, if we are to understand and become wise, we must be sure to incline our ears.
Have you ever meant one thing by what you said but the person you were talking to heard something else? It can make for very frustrating communication. If you're not sure if your spouse is getting what you're talking about, check to see if you hear this phrase a lot: Mirroring can help you test whether you are hearing your spouse properly.
Once your spouse makes a point … repeat it to him or her. Say something like this: Then, the most important part of mirroring comes. You must allow your spouse to either affirm or correct what you've said. As we learned this principle, I often didn't like Gina's negative or inaccurate summaries of my statements.
So, I defended them and failed to allow her the freedom to speak honestly. In time, I learned that her summaries actually were quite accurate; my reactions were negative because I didn't like how they exposed me.
The point of mirroring is not to be right, not to visit web page yourself, but to know that you are hearing accurately. If you seek to understand rather than to make yourself understood, then you are primed for success with the principle of mirroring. The Principle of Prayer: Success in communication is more likely when we invite God to be an active participant and guide. This principle is not complicated, but it requires our close attention.
Freely express positive feelings. Quite honestly, we had endured so much hurt that we could not see http://datingfirst.me/naxi/where-can-i-find-my-apple-id-on-my-iphone.php hope for ever communicating well. I commented on this blog in Feb last year. The Scriptures inform us that, if we are to understand and become wise, we must be sure to incline our ears. This decreases the chances of your spouse feeling like they need to defend themselves.
We've become so accustomed to hearing about prayer that its importance often passes us by. No matter what principle you might be using at the time or what subject you might be talking about, no scenario is beyond prayer.